This may well shock and disappoint you but she was really very calm and collected.
By Alyssa Ramos
Like everyone else on the planet, minus the supa freaks, extremists, and folks who like factors purposely mainly because every person else doesn’t, I also was appalled and even a little upset when the seemingly sweet and innocent Miley Cyrus hacked off her pretty Hannah Montana hair and twerked her way out of “just being Miley”. Now that it is evident (to wise people) that that is specifically what she wanted to do, and even far more evident that she succeeded, most of us can appreciate and even applaud her for her publicity stunts that took her from a cutesy Disney star, to a badass yet very talented performer who could or could not have a sex, drug, and teddy bear addiction.You would consider that from her songs and performances wouldn’t you?
Nicely, I guess that’s why they contact it the ENTERTAINMENT industry isn’t it? That’s proper, she just thoughts-f*cked the shit out of all of you, she’s not like that in real life. Last Friday I was graciously invited back to the hot/sexy/freaky new evening club, DBA, which if you haven’t currently heard about it (see earlier post), is designed by famed nightclub designer something Hammerstein, and is meant to be a blank canvas for artists to modify every single handful of months while shocking you in as a lot of ways as probable (for instance, the final time I was there, I literally had to split my focus span among staring at Leonardo DiCaprio‘s fairly face, and comprehending what in the hell was going on on the club’s stage). Anyway, the good marketing and advertising director invited me back, and set me up at the very same front table that I was at last time Leo was there, and low and behold, who need to be at the table this time but Lindsay Lohan!!! …just kidding, she’s not permitted out yet, it was Miley Cyrus.
But it was a classy Miley Cyrus, not the naked Miley Cyrus we are all so made use of to seeing totally also much of. She even looked a bit strange to be so covered up wearing pants, and a lace button down shirt that surprisingly had cloth covering the boob area. See, that’s what I get for assuming points about folks. Anyway, she sat at her booth calmly, with a major ole’ smile indicating approval of the even a lot more thoughts-f*ing performances that had been going on.
1st there was a girl in a clear plastic dress with clear plastic tutu that climbed up on prime of a two particular person…creature, and began riding it by way of the center of the club. Forgive me if my descriptions are terrible, but I should note that some of the things you see are so obscene that it’s difficult to wrap your brain around what in the hell is even going on, and what you can recall, your brain wants to neglect. This is typically around the time I commence drinking heavily. Oh by the way, Usher also stopped by to say hi to Miley, people have been freaking out about it, so if anybody cares, there ya go.
I have no idea what I was seeking at in the second functionality, but I took a photo if you’d like to let your thoughts wander, and then the third performance I distinctly remember. At initial I believed it was sort of cute to see a reenactment of a clown giving birth to a particular person, I didn’t even get that weirded out that she was only wearing a tutu, I wrote it off as creative. Then the clown nurse delivering her placed her delicately in the bath tub on stage and began to bath her even though the now creepy and terrifying clown MAN that had just given birth sat in a rocking chair. Then he got up, shooed the nurse away and began simulating eating the girl……………out. I died. I filled my cup up with vodka, and died.
Truly I just turned my consideration back to Miley’s table, which just so happened to be the next act. By the way when they say the club is “meant to constantly shock you”, they aren’t lying, at all. So of course they didn’t just bring Miley Cyrus out a bunch of bottles with sparklers on them like most clubs do. Oh no. Miley gets her sparkler bottles delivered to her from a shirtless guy in a white bondage mask and tutu (there’s a lot of tutu’s, I know), carrying a personalized bottle carrier…a girl in a fishnet bodysuit with a teddy bear head. The teddy-girl was placed on the guys lap sitting at the table, then she crawled up onto Miley’s lap, which she seemed to thoroughly appreciate. Fantastic for her. She deserves a live teddy bear.
Prior to I knew it it was 2am, which means I had a great time because that is way past my bedtime of 1am. I would have walked my tired ass the two blocks to my apartment, but let’s be severe, if we’re going to be one particular of the only cities with Uber, we may possibly as properly use it.
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